Reflections on 9/11

Here is a blog entry I wrote in September 2006. I'm reposting it to remember.

For us, the events of 9/11/01 happened late in the evening, after we had gone to bed. Jeff had to get up about 3am the morning of the 12th to make a trip out of Manila. He turned on the news. Wham! He woke me up to tell me and then cancelled his trip out of town. Whenever something happens like this in the US, we American missionaries are on high alert in Manila. We had actually received a warning from the US Embassy a few days before hand that Osama Bin Laden was planning an attack so we were alerted to be vigilant. The typical "lay-low" and "change your routines" protocols came into effect.

When Micah got up at 4am, ready to go jogging, we told her she could not go out. She was bummed but had prayed that the Lord would make it clear to her if she ever was not supposed to go out running at that hour. It was particularly dangerous for her to jog in the dark, alone, as a foreigner and as a female. Around 5 I found her crying as she was getting ready for school. I told her she did not have to go if she didn't want to. The impact of what had happened had not fully hit her. She was not sad about the attacks but that she had to miss her normal morning run. She wanted to go to school so she left. Little did she know how much her life would change because of 9/11. She has a bar on her uniform commemorating that she joined the National Guard after that date.

I feel sometimes that I didn't do a very good job of teaching our children American patriotism. That is a topic for another day but when they grew up seeing extreme poverty, hunger and children-at-risk on a daily basis, it is hard for them to grasp how America can be so prosperous and consume so much of the world's resources yet so many complain that they don't have enough. They don't know America like Jeff and I do but we wonder the same thing.

A little later in the morning, we had to go to the bank and cash a dollar check. We got there when the bank had just opened. I sat there for a hour waiting for the bank to get news of what the exchange rate was going to be. I had thoughts of this is how we anticipated Y2K might turn out to be, a breakdown in international banking. I panicked as I sat there but eventually they got the exchange rate and it was the same as the day before. I was able to cash our check.

In church that Sunday, I was full of sadness. The pre-planned worship service had not been changed any due to these serious events. It was a worship service of lots of happy, upbeat, joyful music. I became so overwhelmed with grief during the songs, I had to sit down and cry. No one noticed. The disaster was mentioned briefly in the pastoral prayer. I remember having a distinct feeling as if I was in mourning over losing a family member but was not able to go home for the funeral. I knew America was grieving and the churches would be focused on prayer for our nation, the victims, protection, calling out to God, repentance. But I couldn't mourn with my nation and I was surprised at how painful that was. I was in church thousands of miles away singing happy songs. My heart was breaking beyond words.

There were actually 2 people (non-Americans) who offered their condolences to us and it meant so much to me. One was Patrick McDonald, the director of Viva Network in Oxford, UK. He is actually Dutch but he sent us an email and expressed his sincere sympathy. The other was a Filipina named Nerie who is a secretary in our ACTION office.

The rest is a blur. I felt weak for several days. I could only manage to do little tasks at a time and then had to stop and weep and pray. Micah went to school, Jeff went to work. I felt very alone in my grieving. Americans didn't get together here. We don't fly an American flag here because we don't want to draw attention to ourselves as Americans. It can make us a target, especially at times like this. When the US started attacking Afghanistan and then Iraq, missionaries living in countries like this have to be very careful and strive to stay out of sight.

We had just returned from a difficult 13 month furlough in July. I had to say goodbye to Amos at the airport (that was the last time visitors could come in to the waiting area to send us off on our return to the field). We spent several weeks looking for a place to live and striving to get resettled. We finally had moved into the apartment where we now live but it needed to be painted. I had work crews here for the previous 3 weeks and September 12 was their last day of work. I was glad to see them go, but I was an emotional wreck. I had very little energy to get our family settled and set up a home.

A couple weeks later, I was talking to a friend on the phone. She asked me 3 questions and I couldn't answer any one of them. But her questions sent me on a search for the answers and gave me a hope and future to look forward to. She asked me: What are your spiritual gifts? What are your talents? What is your passion? I was on a quest to find the answers.

Now 5 years later, I can answer those questions. The grief is over but there is definitely a more seriousness about life. We've had Philippine typhoon and mudslide disasters, Tsunami, Katrina, War on Terror, Jeff's mother had cancer on top of her other physical sufferings from brain damage, it has been 5 long years separated from our son and a couple years from our daughter. Micah served a deployment in Iraq in the army. I've suffered from thyroid problems that made me emotionally precarious for a couple years. Jeff has been the field director which has been a huge and challenging responsibility. Life moved on.

"I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." Psalm 27:13-14

Note: Today a man came to clean our air conditioners and he was telling me that today was his daughter's 5th birthday. I don't remember his daughter's name but they named her after one of the survivors. He told me they had been watching the events of 9/11 while in the hospital and were deeply affected by what happened. I was blessed that some people still remember.

Apples of Gold in a Silver Setting

A word fitly spoken and in due season is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
Proverbs 25:11 (Amplified)

The apples of gold in settings of silver suggests some kind of decorative piece or centerpiece on a table. Or, this may refer to a carving done in gold over silver. Either way, the emphasis is on an exquisite beauty, value and artistry that our speech should resemble.

The image represents godly speech (a word fitly spoken, i.e., suited to its occasion). … like gold jewelry; that is, stunningly beautiful and valuable (possibly because of its rarity).

Silver Platter: I would like to think of the silver platter to represent understanding. It is the “word fitly spoken” in Proverbs 25:11. (New Oxford American Dictionary)

One definition of understanding is to “perceive the intended meaning of words, a language, or speaker:
• perceive the significance, explanation, or cause of (something)
• be sympathetically or knowledgeably aware of the character or nature of
• interpret or view (something) in a particular way

Sometimes we may use a word that fits the occasion but the wrong meaning of the word results. It is important to work hard at being sure our words are understood the way we intended. You need to work hard at understanding what the other person means.

The apples of gold are like the different words we can speak and actions we can do to encourage understanding. When these words and actions happen at the right time and in the most appropriate way, they bring great encouragement and understanding.

Here are some apples of understanding.

1. Love and Affirmation
One great way to encourage your husband is to affirm every good thing that you see. Be verbally affirming of every work of grace in a husband's life. When Jeff was waiting for the retina specialist to check his eye, he said to me that his eye does not see clearly, but he can see the Lord clearly. I responded by saying “More importantly, He sees you clearly.” Those fit words ministered to him.

1 Corinthians 13:4 tell us how love behaves. "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; Suffers long speaks to me of patience.

Ephesians 4:14-16 (New Living Translation) … we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. 16 He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.

2. Loyalty and Faithfulness
A wife needs to be loyal to the Lord. If she is loyal to the Lord first, then it will naturally follow that she will be loyal or faithful to her husband.

1 Kings 8:61 "Let your heart therefore be loyal to the LORD our God, to walk in His statutes and keep His commandments, as at this day."

Proverbs 31:10-12 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
11The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
12She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

3. Listening
I heard say, “I never learned anything when I was talking.” When we listen carefully and hear what is said, we will gain understanding of what is on the heart and mind of our spouse. Open ears are a sign of an open heart. There is a connection between hearing, listening and understanding. When I give orientation to new missionaries I encourage them to learn and strive to understand what people mean by what they are saying and don’t be quick to jump to conclusions based on our own background.

Proverbs 18:13 (ESV) If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.

When Solomon became king he prayed for a “hearing heart” in 1 Kings 3:9 (Amplified Bible) 9So give Your servant an understanding mind and a hearing heart to judge Your people, that I may discern between good and bad.

James 1:19-20 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness[c] God desires.

When Jesus was teaching in Luke 14:35 “Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!”

4. Hope in suffering
This may seem like a strange thing to talk about at a bridal shower but you will experience suffering or affliction at one point or another. Make sure your hope is the Lord and His Word. Don't put your hope in your husband, keep it in the Lord. Man will fail. Husbands will fail. The Lord will not fail.

Psalm 119:114 You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word.

Psalm 130:5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope.

Lamentations 3:26 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly For the salvation of the LORD.

Not only should you hope in the Lord, but you should wait quietly for the Lord. When times are tough, do your best to not get all upset and fretful. This only causes undue stress for your husband and you. Wait quietly.

Another aspect of hope is learning how to speak words of hope to one another during very difficult times.

Isaiah 50:4 (New Living Translation) The Sovereign LORD has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know how to comfort the weary. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will.

In 2 Corinthians 6:6 Paul said this when he described his hardships: We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love. 7 We faithfully preach the truth. God’s power is working in us.

2 Corinthians 4:17 For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,

The source of afflictions:
a. Natural calamities, even if you are a strong believer, natural calamities affect you. Fire, earthquake, tsunami, floods
b. We are part of a fallen society: crime, violence, physical assault, bombs, theft
c. Personal sins and weakness: drugs, alcohol, AIDS, breakdown
d. Satan: enemy of God and humanity
e. God’s permissive will: Naomi’s complaints Ruth 1:20-21 [Naomi] said to them, Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the LORD has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?

Naomi complained, asking why? We should not ask why because God is permitting it. Naomi could not foresee that her daughter-in-law Ruth would be an ancestor of Jesus.

5. Tenderness
Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; kindness, humility, meekness, patience, a gentle and quiet spirit all speak of tenderness to me.

1 Peter 3:1-6 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel--4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones". Proverbs 16:24

Tenderness does not include nagging. Women are so good at nagging. We call it just reminding... but our husbands see it as nagging.

6. Forgiveness with Humility
Forgive and seek forgiveness. Forgiveness is a vital part of marriage and gaining understanding. When we have offended or done wrong toward our husband, we must ask forgiveness. We also must forgive when our husband offends us. We need to be amazed that we are forgiven and less concerned about being right. When we feel offended, sometimes we need to determine of the offense was intended to be hurtful or was it just a different way of thinking. For example, in Philippine culture it is polite to laugh at someone’s misfortune because they are helping to ease the embarrassment. To a Westerner who does not understand, this can be offensive. Strive to understand the intended meaning.

James 3:2"For we all stumble in many ways If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well.

James 5:16 Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

Col 3:12 As holy people whom God has chosen and loved, be sympathetic, kind, humble, gentle, and patient. 13 Put up with each other, and forgive each other if anyone has a complaint. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.14 Above all, be loving. This ties everything together perfectly. (ESV)

Ephesians 4:32-5:2 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.... And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.”

Proverbs 25:12: A wise correction to a receptive ear is like a gold ring or an ornament of gold.

John Piper said: So pray, affirm the evidences of grace you see in his life, and find the most helpful and hope-filled moments to talk about the short-comings… If [a wife] has concerns and he is not doing what he ought to be doing, instead of striking out at the moment the failure happens, find a neutral time when things are good between you and say, "Could we just talk a little bit about this?" Then bring up the issue at a moment where he might have the emotional resources to acknowledge the difficulty, instead of when he has just failed and is likely to bristle with self-defense.

7. Building up Faith
Encourage your husband by praying earnestly for him. Your own faith and walk with the Lord will encourage him.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Romans 15:2 We should all be concerned about our neighbor and the good things that will build his faith.

Jude 20 But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, 21 and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love.

When we have true faith in God, it will be a working faith. If we say we trust God, then we need to act like it. Our faith at work will speak volumes to our husbands and they will be blessed by it.

8. Laughter and joy
Proverbs 15:23 A man (or woman) has joy by the answer of his (or her) mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!

Be careful that what you say is appropriate. Don't make a joke if it is going to embarrass your husband. Say things that will lift him up in front of others. This will bring joy to your relationship. Be willing to laugh at yourself. Be happy. Be joyful in the Lord. This is what Prov 2:10-11 says

Proverbs 15:13 A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

Nehemiah 8:10 "...the joy of the LORD is your strength."

Proverbs 3:13--Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding.

Psalm 40:16--“But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, “Great is the Lord!”

Proverbs 2 (NLT)
1 My child, listen to what I say, and treasure my commands.
2 Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding.
3 Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding.
4 Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures.
5 Then you will understand what it means to fear the LORD, and you will gain knowledge of God.
6 For the LORD grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
7 He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.
8 He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him.
9 Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair, and you will find the right way to go.
10 For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy.
11 Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe.

Proverbs 19:14 Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the Lord can give an understanding wife.

Thoughts for wives

Ephesians 5:15-24 -Live life, then, with a due sense of responsibility, not as men who do not know the meaning and purpose of life but as those who do. Make the best use of your time, despite all the difficulties of these days. Don't be vague but firmly grasp what you know to be the will of God.

1. Remember the meaning and purpose in life. Live your lives together for God's glory. In the Philippines and even here in the US there are many people who have no clue about the meaning and purpose of life. Don't let yourselves be wishy-washy in your living for God. Firmly fulfill His will that is uniquely suited for you as a husband and wife.

Ephesians 5: Don't get your stimulus from wine (for there is always the danger of excessive drinking), but let the Spirit stimulate your souls. Express your joy in singing among yourselves psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, making music in your hearts for the ears of God! Thank God at all times for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Philippians 4:4-7 - Delight yourselves in God, yes, find your joy in him at all times. Have a reputation for gentleness, and never forget the nearness of your Lord. Don't worry over anything whatever; tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God which transcends human understanding, will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus.

2. Delight in the Lord at all times. As you find your delight and joy in the Lord, develop a habit of bringing all your needs to the Lord and prayer and develop a heart of gratitude. This will not bring immediate resolution to the situations you are facing, but you will find peace and that will be pleasing to God.

Ephesians 5:22-24 And "fit in with" each other, because of your common reverence for Christ. You wives must learn to adapt yourselves to your husbands, as you submit yourselves to the Lord, for the husband is the "head" of the wife in the same way that Christ is head of the Church and savior of the body. The willing subjection of the Church to Christ should be reproduced in the submission of wives to their husbands.

3. Learn to adapt to your husband. Marriage often reveals to us our selfish desires. But learn to fit in with what God is doing in your lives as a couple. Submitting to your husband will be a beautiful picture of the church submitting to Christ who is the head. We may thing we have the harder task, but actually our husbands do because they are required to present us spotless before the Lord and to love us as Christ loved the church.

Philippians 4:8-9 Here is a last piece of advice. If you believe in goodness and if you value the approval of God, fix your minds on the things which are holy and right and pure and beautiful and good. Model your conduct on what you have learned from me, on what I have told you and shown you, and you will find the God of peace will be with you.

4. Fix your mind on holy and pure things, don’t allow it to get worked up. Develop a habit of fixing your thoughts on the things of the Lord and the stresses of every day life will fade and you will find the peace of God. Begin practicing this during the next month as you prepare for your wedding and ultimately, as you prepare for your marriage.