The missionary on furlough

Yesterday I was listening to KTIS as Jeff and I were driving from Cloquet to Roseville. The talk show featured a counsellor, Dr. Randy Carlson and he was talking with a man who was grieving the tragic death of his 20 year old son. Dr. Carlson recognized that this man and his wife had not yet had time to properly grieve and were sailing down the highway of activity on fumes. This analogy struck me. "That's me", I thought.

For the past year and even maybe the whole last term, I have been exceptionally busy. I took on the task of handling Personnel for our field last May and had much to do to get that department set up and organized while also processing several applications. The work load only intensified in the following months and I kept my hand to the plow. I carry a great heaviness in my heart for the work, our co-workers, the suffering children, new missionaries who are striving to adjust and also for my own family and their needs. We worked until just before getting on the plane. When we got home we worked in taking care of domestic things. The we had our trip to the West Coast (which I thoroughly enjoyed). But the last two weeks, I have reached the point of mental and emotional exhaustion. I am running on fumes but I now have many other responsibilities and unfinished tasks from Manila. I have not had an opportunity to sit and reflect and be restored. Being able to identify what is going on inside of me is half of the problem.

Several years ago I was very much dreading furlough. I realize that most churches are not able to understand the needs of a missionary family so they don't know how to minister to them. There are few people who are able to really listen to a missionaries' heart. I realize how hard it is for them to know what to do. At times I fight jealousy when I would hear people talk about going to the lake to "get away from the pressures of work." On that furlough God gave me 4 verses that helped me put these things into perspective. I learned that while continuing to minister and serve, God will give me strength. I learned to gratefully receive every act of kindness and not expect others to be able to minister to my deepest needs. As I serve, God will sustain me.

1. Whoever gives just a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is a disciple will never lose his reward. Mattnew 10:40-42
2. Strength belongs to God and He will repay me according to my work. Psalm 62:11-12
3. God will satisfy me and fill me with joy. He will enable me to rejoice after adversity. His favor will be on us and He will establish the work of our hands. Psalm 90:14-17
4. He will enable me to speak with boldness. "On the day I called, You answered me; and made me bold with strength in my soul." Psalm 138:3

The ministry of furlough takes on a different nature entirely from what I do in the Philippines. It becomes challenging for me to give when I am totally spent. So I look to the Lord to provide what I need and He is faithful. As I go through this furlough with its many challenges, I pray He will fill my empty tank in due time so I can carry on effectively. I pray I can continue to serve, to not be ornery or short tempered with my family, to take the time to go for walks, to remain in the Word and look to God for refreshment and to joyfully receive every act of kindness.